balance

The men who are working on construction of the new Epcor building behind my office tower are working in a cloud. Thick mist. It must be strange... annoyingly damp. But I think they probably prefer that to driving-down-rain.

Which, of course, reminds me of working the top of the SuperZip in sideways rain that blows right into the shelter. Which reminds me of working the Burma Zip in a blizzard last October, pulling up pulleys with my eyes closed because snow flurries were being plastered into my face.

Which in a small way makes me glad to be inside an office during inclement weather. But in another way, it kind of made me feel outdoorsy and cool, which is not something I feel very often.

It would be great if I could strike some sort of balance.

seven

Seven more days.

Growing concern over lack of freelance work.

Waning supply of food in cupboards.

Seven more days?

homesick

Another day, another morning of people stopping by my desk and telling me I look tired. This results in me forcing down the crap office coffee (provided by Aramark... yeah.) and trying to will my dark circles away.

Sixteen more days.

In other news, I've been feeling particularly homesick for the Ranch lately. It's Spring, and, apparently, life goes on without me there. Annette and a girl I've never met are running the horse program. Sharon doesn't respond to my emails (okay, so it's only been one day since I emailed her...) and somebody else is living in my room, occupying the space that was mine. They've probably re-arranged the furniture. Don't they know I had it the best way?

I don't miss spending early mornings whining in frustration at the horses to JUST GET IN THE CATCH PEN, or leading gong show trail rides, or hollering, "Climb on!" from great heights to kids who aren't listening.

But I do miss walking down to breakfast. Having a coffee with my friends. Standing around on the ropes course waiting for groups, just being together. Watching endless movies and episodes of Friends on DVD in my room with Aimee. Coffee and tea and hot chocolate with Aimee. Secret beers on a Saturday afternoon with Aimee.

I love my new house. I love my neighbourhood. I love living with April and Laura (as evidenced by the three of us falling over laughing in the kitchen last night -- April on the floor making incomprehensible noises). I love walking to work and being close to everything and having the option to walk to the market on Saturdays. But I still feel a tug in my heart for the only place other than 60 Meadowbrook that I've ever been able to call my home.

Last night at work, I ran into an old friend from my first summer out at the Ranch. She's on her way to becoming a doctor; I haven't seen her in at least six years. We are both different people, now, although on some level, we're the same.

was

Months without writing. Without thinking about words, considering how they should go together.

I almost forgot that I was a writer.

Was I, even? Am I?

adrienne pierce, black chocolate stout

It's been a long time since I posted anything here. I think three posts down is a blog from Clint and Tara's wedding, which was long ago.

I'm listening to Adrienne Pierce. She is good. I first heard her sing at Second Cup. We got a temporary liquor liscense, served Baileys and wine (not together). She was awesome. I got kind of drunk while cashing out (weird combination of activities). Couldn't hear anything through the drive-thru, made eighty million lattes. It was a good night. I bought her signed CD for six bucks. Now it's made its way to my iTunes and I'm reliving the moment.

Now I work at Transcend coffee, which is better than Second Cup. Cliff would like it. I kind of wish he worked there; I think he would be good at it. I think he and Poul, the owner, would get along. But Cliff's in Stettler, now, doing something to do with land reclamation to make enough money to permanently leave Alberta, Canada. Kind of sad. I spent several days a week with him for three years. He was the one refilling my little plastic goblet with wine while I cashed out with Adrienne Pierce singing in the cafe.

I also work at a law firm doing menial tasks like sending faxes and stuffing envelopes. I miss writing. I miss feeling creative and sensitive to art and having ideas. I haven't had any ideas in a long time.

I felt a little tipsy from the black chocolate stout I drank at Transcend before walking home. It's the first stout I've ever actually finished. Yay me.

holiday inn

I love Christmas movies starring Bing Crosby. So delightful. I'm sitting in my living room with candles lit, watching "Holiday Inn." I brought the budgie into the room for a change of scenery. He's watching it too. Seems quite enthralled.

making merry

I'm going to the ballet tonight. I was excited about it, until I cracked the tail light on my mom's car, and now I'm just stressed out. I have $400 in my bank account. Take out $120 for insurance. $300 for board. $100 for gas this month. $60 in Christmas presents I haven't bought yet. So, -$180? Before paying to fix my mom's car? That's not going to work out.

I need another job. I need to be paid more frequently than once a month. It's too long of a stretch; I can't make it.

Must go straighten my hair, now. Put on the cheap lipstick I bought for one dollar. Go out into -40 C weather. Make merry.