five things:

Tonight I am going to spend time at Starbucks with an old friend. I haven't seen this person since high school, but I'm sure she's as smart and pretty as always. I feel weird, reconnecting with people from that era in my life. I feel so different now than I did back then. I feel like I won't fit into whatever category she has me in. I'm not the girl who sits in front of her in French class anymore.

I'm not the girl who sits in front of anyone, for that matter.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an awkward person. I wish I could just have easy conversations with everyone I meet. I wish I didn't have to fill silences with yawns or long sips of coffee or some vague comment about how tired I am. I wish there were no silences. I wish I could just be a grown-up, already.

I miss my mom right now. I feel like meeting her for lunch in her building at that buffet-style coffee shop in the basement. I feel like fixing our coffees while she waits in line, because I know how she takes hers -- the same way I take mine. And then we sit by the window and talk over the drone of all of the others who had the same plans, eating lunches out of white styrofoam take-out containers, talking about our jobs, offering each other sympathy and bites of our pastas.

Christy has asked my advice on wedding invatations and photographers. I told her all that I know. I wonder why I'm the one she asks. I told her about a funky stationary store that sells really unique wedding invitations. I don't even know why or how I know this, but these are the things that I notice about stores. I guess she knows this about me and that's why she asks.

Last night I galloped through an open field with five good friends -- two humans, three horses. The field was dotted with bales of hay, and the sun was setting, and I didn't have to think about anything except not falling off. This is the kind of thing I need in my daily routine. It's a rehabilitation of sorts.

I should get some actual work done. The kind that I get paid to do.

This has been rather disjointed.