trouble sleeping

I put coconut in my latte this morning. Sometimes I like to try new things. Sometimes I like to run headlong into 1995 and never come back.

I'm feeling that familiar tightness again. Like all of my thoughts are materialized into a long, dark cord and it's wrapped around my chest. Every time I put something off or get into an argument with someone or spend all night losing sleep or find my bank account overdrawn, it pulls tighter. There have been lots of those sorts of things lately; the cord is much tighter this fall.

I have a lot of thoughts in my head this morning. I thought today would be better -- I got many hours of sleep last night, and I don't have to work today after school, and I don't have any assignments due in the class that starts in five minutes. But as I drove the commute, I felt like all of my thoughts were bumping up against each other.

Where is the solution?

I keep feeling like there's no time for anything. There's not enough time for me to make money. There's not enough time for me to go for lunch with friends. There's not enough time for me to write comparative essays before the ninth of October. And then, simultaneously, I feel that there is way too much time for me to prioritize. There is way too much time before I will ever get married, so what should I do with myself before then? There is way too much time before I will ever move out on my own, so why should I bother working towards it?

"We listened as he played the guitar & sang old love songs & then there was a moment we looked at each other & discovered we were much younger than other people might suspect & it was good to know we had that much more time together."
-- from storypeople.com

There's a song by the Perishers that goes, "I'm having trouble sleeping; you're sitting on my chest; I really need the rest -- leave me."