little pieces

"There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling rain & remember it is enough to be taken care of by myself."

-- storypeople.com

In animal totemry, butterflies represent courage. As tradition goes, when you are visited by a butterfly, it's to bring you the courage and heart to do something important. Last Thursday, the day before I was to pack up my things and my horse and head out to the first horse show in three years (the first attempt at living the way we used to before she passed away), I butterfly fluttered in front of my face in the car on the drive to work. It landed on my dash and sat blinking its pure white wings at me. Saying, "be brave!" from behind the steering wheel.

I was pretty brave, I thought. I wore butterfly socks underneath my riding boots for extra courage, and I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. I did okay.

So now I know that it's possible to have a little piece of what we used to have back again. It's not the same, of course. It's drastically different, but it's a little piece of what she encouraged us to be, and I'll take whatever I can get.